In an interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren, author of The Purpose Driven Life, Rick Warren said:

People ask me, What is the purpose of life? And I respond, In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven. One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body – but not the end of me. I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillion of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act, the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity. e were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn’t going to make sense.

Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you’re just coming out of one or you’re getting ready to go into another one. The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort. God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy. We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that’s not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ-likeness.

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Stress is a fact of life, but it need not be a way of life. There are many things in life that you can’t control, but very few that you can’t learn to manage, including the negative aspects of stress.

The positive aspect of stress is that it can help you concentrate, focus, and reach peak performance. Many people do their best work when under moderate pressure. Then, when the challenge has been met, they take time to relax and enjoy their achievement. This relaxation response enables them to build up the physical and emotional reserves to meet the next challenge.

Stress becomes negative when you stay uptight and don’t — or can’t — relax after meeting the challenge. Too much stress can leave you tired, irritable, angry, tense, anxious, frustrated and depressed. Chronic, ongoing stress can lead to emotional problems and physical illness.

The first step to managing stress is to become aware of the things that cause your stress. Once you realize what causes your stress, try to focus on how your body feels under stress. “Listen” to your body for signs such as irritability, headaches, a knot in your stomach, tensed muscles, clenched teeth, cold or clammy hands, or other symptoms that tell you you are under stress. There are many potential causes of stress both at home and in the workplace, and many different bodily reactions to stress. Recognizing what causes your stress and how your particular body reacts to stress is the first step to finding solutions to the problem.

The many potential solutions include:

- Recognize when your body is telling you it’s time to take a break.
- Learn any of the wide variety of relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, stretching, meditation, Yoga, clearing your mind, progressive muscular relaxation, visualization, etc.
- Improve work habits, such as learning how to manage your time better.
- Avoid the circumstances that create stress.
- Adjust your priorities; decide what is really most important in your life.
- Adopt more realistic career goals.
- Resolve not to let yourself be provoked or upset by others’ behavior.
- Talk out problems with a friend or supervisor.
- Go out of your way to improve relationships with family, friends, co-workers and supervisor.
- Develop a healthier or more positive lifestyle with good nutrition and appropriate exercise.
- Seek professional help.

Reference – http://rf-web.tamu.edu/security/SECGUIDE/Eap/Stress.htm#Coping%20with%20Stress

Do you ever ask yourself “who am i?” (Not me, you.)

I ask myself this question alot, and it freaks me out. Does anyone really know who they are when they really think about it? Things can get pretty damn scary when you think you’re alone in the world and then suddenly realise you don’t even know who you are. Then suddenly the realisation comes (After months of hiding and insecurity, depression and hopelessness) I dont care.

I dont care who i am, because God knows who we are and loves every one of us, no matter what, and i really dont care that i am noone because i know now that one day i will find myself and christ will show me the path i have to take to be myself.(Whoever i am.)

Sometimes it can take some pretty scary shiet to make you realise you dont need to know, but for anyone out there who knows what the hell im talking about, Jesus knows.

Hang in there dude.

by feralgirl

Romantic Love – The relationship and the partner is seen through “rose colored glasses”. One’s partner can do no wrong. This type of love is often seen at the beginning of a relationship.

Nurturing Love – Each person encourages and nourishes the other. Each has nurturing friendships outside the relationship. If one partner ends the relationship, the other will experience grief but not self-destructive devastation.

Addictive Love - The person is totally dependent on another for love, happiness, and security. If the relationship ends, the person is devastated.

Ingredients for a healthy Realationship

Shared Power. In general, each person has an equal say in the relationship. Although at times, one person may have greater say because of expertise in an area.

Commitment. Each person makes a commitment to care about the other person, the relationship, and themselves.

Enjoy Coupleness. The individuals view themselves as part of a couple and that brings each more happiness and allows each to be stronger.

Trust. Confidence in your partner and in yourself. Each person is reliable and honest.

Positive Fighting. Each recognizes that at times they will disagree and have developed skills to positively negotiate these disagreements.

Acceptance of Differences. Each person is valued for who they are and what they bring to the relationship. Differences in thoughts, feelings, values, looks etc. are accepted and respected.

“We “ness. While there are differences, there are also shared goals, values, interest, etc. that promote a sense of Coupleness.

Sharing Time. The individuals spend time together sharing thoughts, feelings, and emotions. This includes sharing sadness as well as happiness. Also, time is spent doing activities together (both work and play.)

Personal Time. While they relish their time together, the couple does not aim to be close all the time. Each person in the relationship has some independence and privacy.

Curiosity. Each person takes an interest in the other’s job and activities. They care about the quality of each other’s life.

Embraces Change. Each believes that personal change helps make the relationship interesting and supports the personal growth of their partner.

Something Special. Each person remembers that their connection is independent of their relationships with parents, children, and friends and do not allow perspectives from others to govern their attachment to their partner.

Maturity. Each person realizes that all relationships go through periods of distance, irritation, or trouble and see these periods as opportunities for the relationship to grow.

Why sign up for counseling BEFORE you have a problem? For the same reason you would take a course before attempting to snowboard — even if you already know how to ski.

Counseling provides a cushy pillow for the times you will fall down. And even great couples will.

Considering that somewhere in the vicinity of 40 percent of all first marriages end in divorce, taking time to study the blueprints for the marriage structure before breaking ground would seem wise.

For those alliances that were doomed from the beginning, there’s the possibility to avert a divorce by avoiding an unrealistic marriage. And for those who will speed ahead, there will be the knowledge of the sticky places and some compromise already in place.

We require anyone who wishes to drive to take a course and pass the exam. Yet we assume that emotional connections are instinctive and that having children is easy enough to not need a manual or instruction. Are we nuts? Most of us know about relationships from what we experience around us. For many that is a chaotic or hurtful relationship that ended in disaster during childhood. Pre-marital counseling explores the areas that are predictable crises in a couple’s life.

Here are some areas that any love-struck couple should want to discuss and be clear about — before setting up dates with the band and the caterer.

Goals
What are you hoping this marriage will bring? A friend? A sense of belonging? Is it a family? Will you have kids? How many? How will you divide the time between family and career?

Communication
How will you resolve an impasse? Do you know the other person’s style of communicating? Their stuck places? How is anger dealt with? What if one wants to talk about the relationship and the other refuses? Whose job is it to keep the lines open? If you get really bogged down – will you go for help?

Friends
Where do they fit in the scheme of your life? How much time will spend with them? What about friends that the other dislikes? Are they welcome ? Boys’ night out, girls’ night out? Confiding in friends, helping them out — what are the boundaries?

Money
What’s the philosophy about money? Who decides where it is spent? Does each of you have discretionary cash? What if there’s a great job offer 2000 miles away? How will you pay the bills and apportion the income? How much to save?

In-laws and family
What is their role? Who will call them to keep in touch? Are one or both of you going to have to help out a parent? How will you do that ( see Money). What if there is a disagreement or feud?

Sex
If there isn’t enough of it, how will you deal with the feeling? Birth control? Attractions to other people? What if sex becomes boring?

Kids
What is your philosophy around bringing up children? Punishment and consequences? Who will care-take them? How many? What if there is a child who has mental or physical problems?

Religion
Can you both respect each other’s beliefs even if they are different? If there are children, how will you deal with this issue? How will you handle your respective families around religion? Do you have any opposing beliefs?

If this seems like an exhausting task, think how tiring it is to run around to lawyers and fill out separation papers. If you know the inner workings of the mind you plan to snuggle up to for the rest of your life, there will be fewer surprises and more time to enjoy each other’s company.

Counseling provides a template for conflict resolution that can be drawn on when needed. A couple that knows how to fight fairly and how to compromise is going to have a head start on a couple that makes up the rules along the way. You’d spend the time and money to ensure a satisfying Caribbean cruise — why not invest the same energy into a much more precious adventure?

Reference – http://women.msn.com/relationships/articles/rhona_counseling.asp

Are you friends with people that constantly drain your energy, in both obvious and subtle ways? Several types of people will exhaust you or deter you from your path of extreme self-care. Cheryl Richardson, author of Take Time for Your Life, gives you the types of friends to watch out for.

The Blamer
This is a person who consistently blames you and/or everyone else for her problems. The world and the people in it always seem to create havoc for this person, and instead of taking responsibility for her life, she’d rather blame others.
The Complainer
This person likes to hear her own voice. She constantly complains about what isn’t working in her life and yet gets energy from complaining and dumping her frustrations on you.

The Drainer
This is the needy person who calls to ask for your guidance, support, information, advice, or whatever she needs to feel better in the moment. Because of her neediness, the conversation often revolves around her, and you can almost feel the life being sucked out of you during the conversation.

The Shamer
This person can be hazardous to your health. The shamer may cut you off, put you down, reprimand you, or make fun of your or your ideas in front of others. She often ignores your boundaries and may try to convince you that her criticism is for you own good. The shamer is the kind of person who make you question your own sanity before hers.

The Discounter
This is the person who discounts or challenges everything you say. Often, she has a strong need to be right and can find fault with any position. It can be exhausting to have a conversation with the discounter, so eventually you end up giving in and deciding to just listen.

The Gossip
This person avoids intimacy by talking about others behind their backs. The gossip gets energy from relaying stories, opinions, and the latest “scoop.” By gossiping about others, she creates a lack of safety in her relationships, whether she realizes it or not. After all, if she’ll talk about someone else, she’ll talk about you.

Reference – http://www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/tows_2000/tows_past_20001009.jhtml

What is beauty? We live in a society driven by the beauty industry. I’m not just talking about us women either. Men too. Men have become just as obsessed with body and self as woman have. Think about the men you know in your life. How many are overly obsessive with their hair, their muscles, their clothing.

For every woman obsessing about her flabby thighs, and taking dangerous diet pills there is a man out there obsessing about the size of his muscles or love handles and taking equally dangerous “health shakes” and muscle building compounds. For every sensitive girl who feels left out of the group because she’s not lip gloss obsessive or doesn’t have a steady boyfriend, there is a sensitive man who is hurting because he doesn’t enjoy sports or enjoys watching but doesn’t play them well or doesn’t have a girlfriend and feels like he never will because he is unlovable. I’m not just talking fat people either. There are thin people facing the exact same ridicule and self doubt every day.

Why do we as a society feel the need to generalize what a boy should be, what a girl should be and for those who aren’t fitting that mold, make them feel like a lesser human being because of it? A sensitive man who is artistic and intelligent does not have to be labeled as fag, gay or queer. A buffed up sports playing man does not have to be unintelligent or straight. A feminist woman fighting for equality of the sexes doesn’t have to be a lesbian or butch. A makeup wearing girly girl isn’t necessarily that way because she’s trying to please a man. Just because an athletic woman who wants to play football or wrestle or god forbid box doesn’t mean she’s a lesbian or not feminine.

There is a boy I know who is Mr. Jock and he’s stunningly good looking and in very good shape. What breaks my heart about him is he is so intelligent but he plays dumb because that is who he is supposed to be and god forbid he show even just a little intelligence because if he does well then he no longer fits the stereo type that his crowd believes in and follows.

I know a girl who is so lost and as a means of self acceptance and fitting in because she’s just a little bit chubby she acts as slutty and wild as she possibly can be. Not that there is anything wrong with being a little wild or promiscuous but you can see she is not happy with herself this way and she does it because she feels it’s the only way she can be accepted as feminine.

I know a boy who is intensely intelligent, remarkably humorous, and I think very good looking. If I wasn’t a married girl and married to his best friend, he would be someone I could so easily love. But I see him resign himself to loneliness and asexuality because he is a self proclaimed fat man, and according to him who wants some fat man.

I know a girl who is beautiful inside and out. She spends more time worrying about the happiness of others than herself. On her wedding day she complimented me on my appearance when it was her day to feel beautiful. She and her wonderful husband walked around the reception checking on their guests and asking if they had everything they needed and if they were having a good time when it was there day and we should have all been waiting on them. But I see this same girl this beautiful, beautiful girl unhappy with herself. She thinks her hips are to wide and her breasts are too small and her bump in her nose is unattractive. I look at her and wish I could be her she is so beautiful!

What I really want to do is grab each of these people and wrap them up in the biggest warmest hug I can and tell them how beautiful and wonderful they are JUST as they are. And they are. Each of them completely different from one another but each in their own wonderful personal way is an amazing human being and it breaks my heart to known them and know that they don’t see themselves this way. Of course I am guilty of the exact same thing. I buy into what the media and what society tells me is beauty and is normal even though the deeper part of me KNOWS without a doubt that is WRONG!

When can we as a society, and as a human beings step forward and reject the labels, the standards and the current definition of beauty as a physical definition?

I say we start right now. I say we step forward and redefine beauty as a soul definition. Every time we say to ourselves this physical trait is horrible and I need to fix it, how about we immediately say NO and reverse our thinking. Instead of continuing to obsess about that physical trait we look at ourselves and think about what we can do to better our soul. We think about our inner beauty and how better we can express it rather than what flaw we think we have in our outer beauty.

Lets start a grass roots movement. Instead of fighting a media that could care less what we think and have to say about our standards, go to that person you know who is feeling insecure about something and tell them how wonderful they are how unique and how beautiful they are.

I want to be a whole soul woman. Because a person who is lacking that inner beauty no matter how much their outer beauty fits the mold society has set out will never be a beautiful person.

I can promise that if we did this, if we made this change in ourselves and concentrated more on inner beauty that we would see how silly all of this concern about outer beauty really is. We would no longer look at ourselves in a mirror in a self depreciating way. We would look in that mirror and see nothing but the glow that our inner beauty casts about us. We would see ourselves as our whole soul selves, with the beauty, dignity and grace we ALL possess.

“Despite all the beauty and glamour we see in magazines, on television commercials and in movies, physical fitness is no measure for a healthy marriage. A healthy marriage is characterized by how husbands and wives honor and respect each other, regardless of physical appearances.” – Joey O’Connor