What is beauty? We live in a society driven by the beauty industry. I’m not just talking about us women either. Men too. Men have become just as obsessed with body and self as woman have. Think about the men you know in your life. How many are overly obsessive with their hair, their muscles, their clothing.

For every woman obsessing about her flabby thighs, and taking dangerous diet pills there is a man out there obsessing about the size of his muscles or love handles and taking equally dangerous “health shakes” and muscle building compounds. For every sensitive girl who feels left out of the group because she’s not lip gloss obsessive or doesn’t have a steady boyfriend, there is a sensitive man who is hurting because he doesn’t enjoy sports or enjoys watching but doesn’t play them well or doesn’t have a girlfriend and feels like he never will because he is unlovable. I’m not just talking fat people either. There are thin people facing the exact same ridicule and self doubt every day.

Why do we as a society feel the need to generalize what a boy should be, what a girl should be and for those who aren’t fitting that mold, make them feel like a lesser human being because of it? A sensitive man who is artistic and intelligent does not have to be labeled as fag, gay or queer. A buffed up sports playing man does not have to be unintelligent or straight. A feminist woman fighting for equality of the sexes doesn’t have to be a lesbian or butch. A makeup wearing girly girl isn’t necessarily that way because she’s trying to please a man. Just because an athletic woman who wants to play football or wrestle or god forbid box doesn’t mean she’s a lesbian or not feminine.

There is a boy I know who is Mr. Jock and he’s stunningly good looking and in very good shape. What breaks my heart about him is he is so intelligent but he plays dumb because that is who he is supposed to be and god forbid he show even just a little intelligence because if he does well then he no longer fits the stereo type that his crowd believes in and follows.

I know a girl who is so lost and as a means of self acceptance and fitting in because she’s just a little bit chubby she acts as slutty and wild as she possibly can be. Not that there is anything wrong with being a little wild or promiscuous but you can see she is not happy with herself this way and she does it because she feels it’s the only way she can be accepted as feminine.

I know a boy who is intensely intelligent, remarkably humorous, and I think very good looking. If I wasn’t a married girl and married to his best friend, he would be someone I could so easily love. But I see him resign himself to loneliness and asexuality because he is a self proclaimed fat man, and according to him who wants some fat man.

I know a girl who is beautiful inside and out. She spends more time worrying about the happiness of others than herself. On her wedding day she complimented me on my appearance when it was her day to feel beautiful. She and her wonderful husband walked around the reception checking on their guests and asking if they had everything they needed and if they were having a good time when it was there day and we should have all been waiting on them. But I see this same girl this beautiful, beautiful girl unhappy with herself. She thinks her hips are to wide and her breasts are too small and her bump in her nose is unattractive. I look at her and wish I could be her she is so beautiful!

What I really want to do is grab each of these people and wrap them up in the biggest warmest hug I can and tell them how beautiful and wonderful they are JUST as they are. And they are. Each of them completely different from one another but each in their own wonderful personal way is an amazing human being and it breaks my heart to known them and know that they don’t see themselves this way. Of course I am guilty of the exact same thing. I buy into what the media and what society tells me is beauty and is normal even though the deeper part of me KNOWS without a doubt that is WRONG!

When can we as a society, and as a human beings step forward and reject the labels, the standards and the current definition of beauty as a physical definition?

I say we start right now. I say we step forward and redefine beauty as a soul definition. Every time we say to ourselves this physical trait is horrible and I need to fix it, how about we immediately say NO and reverse our thinking. Instead of continuing to obsess about that physical trait we look at ourselves and think about what we can do to better our soul. We think about our inner beauty and how better we can express it rather than what flaw we think we have in our outer beauty.

Lets start a grass roots movement. Instead of fighting a media that could care less what we think and have to say about our standards, go to that person you know who is feeling insecure about something and tell them how wonderful they are how unique and how beautiful they are.

I want to be a whole soul woman. Because a person who is lacking that inner beauty no matter how much their outer beauty fits the mold society has set out will never be a beautiful person.

I can promise that if we did this, if we made this change in ourselves and concentrated more on inner beauty that we would see how silly all of this concern about outer beauty really is. We would no longer look at ourselves in a mirror in a self depreciating way. We would look in that mirror and see nothing but the glow that our inner beauty casts about us. We would see ourselves as our whole soul selves, with the beauty, dignity and grace we ALL possess.

“Despite all the beauty and glamour we see in magazines, on television commercials and in movies, physical fitness is no measure for a healthy marriage. A healthy marriage is characterized by how husbands and wives honor and respect each other, regardless of physical appearances.” – Joey O’Connor